We started Wedding Day Four as we always did - breakfast by ourselves, followed by a slow trickle then rush of members of our group, starting with babies and nannies. Somewhere in the conversation, someone mentions that the bangle ceremony will be at 12:30 on the first floor. As usual, this is the first we'd heard of a bangle ceremony, thinking that the only event we had that day was the reception and wedding in the evening. As usual, we never know what will await us.
Rob and I arrive late for the ceremony (at 1pm) but find, of course, we are early. The room is empty, save a line up of white chairs, a white mattress, and a busy waiter. We ask said waiter if this is where the bangle ceremony is to be. He pretends to understand but clearly doesn't. We go downstairs and ask at the front desk. No one knows. We go back to the first floor. Fortunately, by then, Naresh, father of the bride, has arrived with the twins. Naresh says that this one's nickname is Bobla, which he said is a delicious little fish, and the other is Gobla. I don't remember what a Gobla is. But both Bobla and Gobla are wearing Spiderman outfits. I wonder if I'm properly attired.
Fortunately Rob and had decided against donning our super-hero outfits.
The bangle ceremony (we learned as we went along) was another part of the Solah Shringar - the 16 adornments of the bride. It is the time when the bride's family gives the bride the bangles she will wear for the first year of her marriage. She won't remove them for any reason during that year. We were told this is a very emotional time for the bride, since the bangles are the final wedding gift she will receive from her family, and the bangles themselves represent the most visible manifestation of her marital status.
A white mattress was in the center of the room, and no one stepped on it without removing their shoes first. This was the holy place. Before the holy men arrived, it was the site of numerous photos of the spiderman twins.
The bride entered wearing surprisingly casual clothes (jeans!). She was surrounded by family, one of whom was carrying a bowl filled with a gold paste. The paste was made of oil, turmeric, and graham flour. We watched as each family member smeared a portion of the paste on the bride's face, hands, and feet. This for me was the singular most compelling image of the entire wedding process, as it was so intimate and personal. As each person added their paste on to the bride, the bride became more deeply emotional. The paste is supposed to give her a golden "glow" but it was a glow that was countered by her increasingly sad expression. I took only a few photos as each photo seemed like I was invading something that shouldn't be invading. And when I look at the photos now, I find myself getting teary. I can't forget that she is preparing to leave her home to live in a completely unfamiliar home many miles away.
Then the bride leaves to wash it all off, and returns for the rest of the ceremony. Each woman was given a bracelet tied with red string. The holy men appeared and gave the men a red bindi on their forehead. For some reason, the holy man added two pieces of rice to Rob's bindi. Rob thought it was because of his obvious elevated spiritual status.
The two holy men lit incense and candles, scattered herbs and petals, prayed, chanted, offered things to eat, etc. I kept getting distracted by the main holy man's "Amit Steels" bag which contained all the items he needed to do his job. It was like a bag one would get from a vendor at a convention, and I wondered if he might have found something a little more in harmony with the occasion and with his duties.
The bride was given her bangles in a bowl of milk-water. Then each person there is given a gold ornament consisting of three hanging bells. One by one they removed shoes, approached the bride, whispered in her ear, and tied the ornament on to a silver bangle on either of her wrists. Then they posed for a photo with her.
This was clearly even more emotional than the previous parts of the ceremony, so I was hoping that we could stay in the background and watch. But like most everything else in this wedding, we were encouraged to participate fully so we took off our shoes, each took an ornament, whispered in her ear, and tied the ornament to her wrist. We then posed for this photo. You can see Rob's faint rice bindi if you look carefully.
Then, in what would prove to be a very good idea from a bangle ceremony planning standpoint, the next step was for the unmarried women to come forward. Individually they kneeled before the bride while she vigorously shook the ornaments over the unmarried woman's head. If one of the ornaments came loose, then the woman would be married within the year. "Like your throwing the bouquet!" we were told. What I loved about this part was that the sisterhood and the shaking and the jingling all combined to cause the bride to lose her sad demeanor and to begin to laugh. That's the way the ceremony ended - with laughter and joy.
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