Plowing the mind: Indian Mix - Wedding Day One Cont'd

After a long bus ride with some very tired babies, nannies, and adults, we all assumed we were heading for the hotel in Ludhiana. But like everything in our Indian experience thus far, what we expect to do is quite different than what we end up doing. The bus stopped outside a large complex, covered in lights, giving the optimistic impression of a hotel. But we could hear drumming and exclamations of welcome. Turns out that we were at the family home of the groom. It was 5:30 pm. They'd been waiting lunch for us since 2. Good thing the Indians don't seem to mind waiting. Nothing ever happens on time. And that's okay with them. Here's a bit of video I took while exiting the bus and walking into the courtyard. Again, the only westerners and I'm sure no one had any idea what Rob and I were doing there.

I don't know how it came to be that most of us didn't know we were going to end up here. The groom's family obviously had put a lot of thought into their welcome. The home didn't look anything like what we know, but that's true of most homes we've seen. Inside the walls, there was a marble courtyard with a grassy area that was covered in more lights and tented with bright red fabric, looking like a fairy tale land. There was a line up of amazing food and a bevy of waiters. As we started to reach for tomatoes, Shilpa gently reached across and said that we should prefer the hot food. It was her way of cautioning us westerners not to eat raw food. The only reason is because of the water supply being so unreliable in its cleanliness. And that can be especially hard on delicate western digestive systems. That's a hard rule to remember, especially when we've been told by everyone how wonderful the Punjab produce is. So we settled for the hot (in both temperature and spice). The aloo gobi alone has ruined any chance of us enjoying Indian food in America in the same way again. It was divine.

From India 11.09

This was the first time we'd seen the groom, Rohin. I still can't get over that this was an arranged marriage. It started out with Namit's siter, Neha, thinking that Rohin and Ankita would be a good match. He is small, like her, and Punjabi, like her. Neha started promoting the idea within the family and Ankita didn't complain, so at the wedding of Namit's other sister in July, both sets of parents met and set the wheels in motion. Five months after Rohin and Ankita met, they were in process of being married. I suspect they didn't see each other much between that time and now, as he has been in Ludhiana and she in Bombay, and, trust me, it isn't easy travelling from one city to another. But, somehow, as with other small miracles of Indian-ness, they look perfectly happpy together, and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. The bride and groom will get married, and live happily ever after in this home, along with his parents, his brother, sister-in-law, nieces and nephews, and other assorted relatives. I'm trying to imagine any 24 year old girl going to live in a strange city with people she just met, including her husband.

When I first saw Rohin, he was greeting the Malhotra family elders. It is tradition to touch the feet of the elders and then work your way up to the knees. At the beginning, it looks very much like he has dropped something he is then picking up. One minute you see him, the next you don't. However, as a gesture of respect, and as I grow older, this is looking more and more like a nice idea.

We left the groom's family's house to head to the hotel. There was talk of a "Youngsters' Cocktail Party" (which, of course, makes no sense at all) for that night but, as usual, few details were provided. Rob and I were told 1.) it's for "youngsters," 2.) it's at a "farm," 3.) it would start at 9:30, 4.) we can bow out early, and 5.) it's casual dress.

Wrong on all five counts. It wasn't just for youngsters. It was not at a "farm" but at a beautifully manicured and decorated walled garden. We arrived not at 9:30 but at 11:30. We couldn't bow out early. And the dress for woman involved sequins. A lot of sequins. Rob and I didn't get home until 3:30 am, and that's only because we found a driver who understood our request for a ride. The Youngsters Cocktail Party was still going strong. Here's how the "farm" looked when we entered:

From India 11.09

It was over-the-top with glittering lights and sarees and smoke machines and Bollywood dancing and food food food. We were unprepared (and underdressed) for the spectacle. The deejay played Indian mixes of traditional, Bollywood, and pop, and Rob and I were unable to resist our friends pulling us on to the dance floor, even if it meant risking embarrassing wedding video footage later on. One friend, Roshi, saved the day by having us mimic her moves. I'm sure we looked ridiculous, but that music really got us going. Here's a little sample (fortunately not of any Hummels) so you can see some of the clothes and some of the moves. There is a lot of pointing that goes on in Bollywood dancing, which is probably the thing we did the best. We can point.

From India 11.09

I guess that the lesson from Wedding Day One is this: you can ask questions, you can mentally plan out what you think's going to happen, you can prepare according to the plan. But nothing nothing nothing is going to go as expected. And it will all be so much better and crazier and more fun than you ever thought it could be. And it just might last way past your bedtime.